Day 8

Night of Separation After the Wedding

from the Song of Songs reading plan


Song of Songs 5:1-16, Psalm 128:1-6, Colossians 3:12-17


I have a recurring dream—a nightmare of sorts. It usually comes on a Saturday night when I have some important responsibility at church the following morning. In the dream, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get to the church. And the obstacles that prevent me are the strange stuff of dreams. I get into a cab (which I never do) that has to stop by a different city first. Or there is an apocalyptic traffic jam, and I have to run over the tops of cars. Or, my favorite, the church I go to is the wrong church, even though it is my church, because no one told me we moved.

Dreams are weird. I am not the sort of person who thinks there’s some deep hidden meaning underneath everything that flies through our heads while we’re sleeping. But I do believe our dreams often are the result of the untangling of our consciences. Our worries, fears, hopes, and longings all show up—some to a great, cartoonish effect and others to nightmarish terror. But they do show up, don’t they?

Today’s passage in Song of Songs is, many scholars believe, a description of a dream. It is the couple’s wedding night. They are in bed and she has a nightmare, which she introduces by saying, in effect, “I’m asleep, but my heart is awake, and it hears a knocking at the door” (my paraphrase of 5:2).

In her dream, her lover is outside knocking, asking her to let him in. In a haze of sleep, she offers excuses for why she can’t get out of bed—she’s naked and doesn’t want to get cold, she just washed her feet and doesn’t want to get them dirty. But soon, still in her dream, she warms to his presence and gets up to let him in. But when she opens the door he is gone. She panics. Has he left her to find another lover? She goes out into the night searching for him, and in her nightmare, the city watchmen find her and beat her (5:7). The worst thing that could have happened has happened. She has lost her lover on their wedding night, and her refusal to let him come inside played a part in her loss. She is sick with love.

Why has such a nightmare made its way into one of the greatest love poems ever written? Because her fear is a terror everyone can relate to. Will I push you away to the point that you leave me? Will I treasure my own comfort over letting you in?

These fears are rooted in many things. One is the false belief that the strength of love is found in the intensity of romantic passion. Young lovers fear what will happen if the wedding-night intensity fades. But deeply rooted love takes work. It is good work, but work nonetheless. Colossians 3:12-17 describes the work. It is the work of forgiving, the work of celebrating, the work of listening, the work of growing in wisdom, the work of maturing in Christ together.

The truth is, no matter how dark the nightmare goes, the Bridegroom is not really gone. He is right there, beside the one He loves. And He is there because He made a covenant to never leave and never forsake.

May God wake us from the nightmare that denies the possibility of such a love. And may we come to trust the faithfulness of God, even if our deepest fear is the fear of being left alone.

Written By Russ Ramsey

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2 thoughts on "Night of Separation After the Wedding"

  1. Joshua Wade says:

    My earthly father told me he was going to leave my mother 1 month before I married my bride. It shocked me to my core. I only knew because in a moment of close father/son time, I told him that I prayed every night that I could have a relationship like he had with my mom, and he couldn’t help but reveal it to me.
    My mistake was putting so much store in him and not my Heavenly Father. We are his bride and he is perfect in every way. I look to him now and so should we all, for the example of how a husband is suppose to act and treat his bride.
    It hurt then and still hurts now, yet I know God can, will, and is working through that to increase his glory.
    I claim victory and know in my soul that I will emulate Christ in my marriage from now on. I will fail, we all do. But, when that happens, I won’t give up. God will get all the glory and credit he deserves for bring two imperfect fallible people together to fulfill his will in both our lives and his will in our life and family together.
    I pray Father that you will give me patience and long suffering with my wife. Open my eyes to the best example of sanctification you’ve provided for me. Help me to love her unconditionally and be the Godly man she needs and desires. Father, bring my earthly father back to your arms and open his eyes to his sin. Give him the desire to repent and renew his fellowship with you. And if it’s your will, let him and my mom find each other in you. I thank you for your mercy over us all Lord.

  2. Rob says:

    Even in the song of love in the Bible is mention of heartache. All fan stop and admit to this longing that cannot be satisfied apart from the grace of God.

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